My four-year-old frustrates me. Her cries infuriate. Fill me with a hate that is welling up inside. I want to run and hide. It’s late at night, why won’t she sleep? Her cries torment and make me weep. Shut up! Shut up! I want to yell. I can’t get out of this personal hell. Every night it comes to this. I raise my voice she raises hers, I raise my hand she cowers down.
My fury is blinding, I cannot see…the little girl standing before me. Her cheeks are stained with tears of hurt. I stop myself, feeling ashamed. She is tired is all and wants her mother, not a rage-consumed monstrous other. I grab her close and hold her tight. I promise her we won’t fight. By the morning we would have forgotten all of this. Feeling hopeful I give her a kiss.
But the night I know will come again. Please God, I hope and pray that I shall pass this test one day.
Just having one of those nights. All is calm and quiet now. I dedicate this to all the parents having a rough night tonight, and every night! The moment passes, try to walk away from the situation and take a deep breath. I’ll try to remember that too!