NaBloPoMo Day 5 Rage

Nablopomo Day 1My four-year-old frustrates me. Her cries infuriate. Fill me with a hate that is welling up inside. I want to run and hide. It’s late at night, why won’t she sleep? Her cries torment and make me weep. Shut up! Shut up! I want to yell. I can’t get out of this personal hell. Every night it comes to this. I raise my voice she raises hers, I raise my hand she cowers down.

My fury is blinding, I cannot see…the little girl standing before me. Her cheeks are stained with tears of hurt. I stop myself, feeling ashamed. She is tired is all and wants her mother, not a rage-consumed monstrous other. I grab her close and hold her tight. I promise her we won’t fight. By the morning we would have forgotten all of this. Feeling hopeful I give her a kiss.

But the night I know will come again. Please God, I hope and pray that I shall pass this test one day.

Just having one of those nights. All is calm and quiet now. I dedicate this to all the parents having a rough night tonight, and every night! The moment passes, try to walk away from the situation and take a deep breath. I’ll try to remember that too!

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    • Sanober Bukhari 7 April, 2015 / 5:55 pm

      thank you for reading!

  1. Tazim 8 April, 2015 / 6:35 pm

    I appreciate your honesty here. I’m sure many other parents can relate

    • Sanober Bukhari 9 April, 2015 / 12:03 am

      Thank you Tazim! Parenting is tough. It is what it is no point in masking the shameful truths.

  2. Taslim Jaffer 9 April, 2015 / 3:24 pm

    I know many parents will relate to this. You’re right about these moments passing. When my kids are extra-needy I try to remember that one day they won’t need me. Sometimes that makes me happy, sometimes that makes me sad! Parenthood is nothing if not a rollercoaster. Thanks for sharing.

    • Sanober Bukhari 10 April, 2015 / 12:07 am

      Hi Taslim. Thanks for reading. Happy to share, makes me feel a little better in the sense i don’t feel alone in my parenting ‘flaws’.

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