The last time I committed to something I had not done before was to sign up for a 5K run last fall. Like many of us my relationship with exercise is extremely volatile. When we’re good, we’re really good. Heart-pumping, adrenaline-inducing good; the only times where sweat equates sensual and running outside amongst other runners makes me feel a part of the athletic community of like-minded people who care about the health of their bodies. Sure most of these runners look like a Nike commercial and nothing like the reflection I catch of myself as I pant and struggle to keep going. But it doesn’t matter. In my mind I become them. I enjoyed my first 5K so much so I signed up for another one that same month. After a couple of months however, I fell off the wagon, using winter as an excuse. I went back to my sedentary ways, alienating myself from that community of beautiful bodies. Relegated instead to that lonely self-indulgers club located at the left corner seat of the sofa; the exclusivity of this membership displayed by the indent in the sofa-seat cushion as a result of IMD (immobile derriere syndrome) a cousin of CPS (couch potato syndrome).
Today I begin a 30 day journey of writing daily. I join a community of bloggers; a community of writers committed to their craft. I cannot hide behind the pretense any longer. I am a writer, because I write. I have caught the reflection of my words and realize it does not read like the work of literati. Not a Faulkner, not a Munro. But it doesn’t matter. In my mind I become them. I will garner the discipline required. I will persist with passion. I will write with grit. It’s the only way to improve and be better. Otherwise I may as well go back to my place on the sofa. It waits for me, taunting me to fail.
Fear of failure has been my greatest weakness. I carefully crafted this barrier, lifting rocks of negativity in my mind to build an impenetrable structure. It moves with me where ever I go. I am convinced it cannot be broken, it is physically impossible. Physically.
A moment of clarity strikes. It’s intangible.
So I walk right through…
Thank you BlogHer for this NaBloPoMo experience.
This month’s theme is Grow and that is exactly what I intend to do.
Your writing is beautiful! Just keep putting one word after the next and remember what Hemingway said, “All first drafts are shit.” But only you will see them, we want to see more of that beautiful prose-don’t give up!love – M
Thank you so much for your encouraging words Maureen! 🙂